On Pessimism

Life constitutes happiness and pain. Anyone who has acquired a certain amount of life experience can testify that pain outweighs happiness. This is very unfortunate, but it is a fact that we must accept. Different people, as their tempers vary, devise different methods to deal with misfortunes. The most common method they employ is optimism. An optimistic outlook, I am told, can help boast up one's confidence and deal with misfortunes with hope. It encourages you to see things from a different perspective which sounds encouraging. Optimism, they believe, can generate every bit of possible happiness in us in the highest degree. But let us flip the coin to the other side and see what it offers- pessimism.

Pessimism is always considered a derogatory term. It is assumed to be a way to deal with life negatively. It does not just intensify our sadness when we are confronted with frustrations, but it also undermines the pleasure we receive in our happiest moments. It is believed that people who acquire a pessimistic outlook have stronger suicidal impulse because everything in this world is rendered hopeless. 'So what good is it of?' one may ask. On the face of it, it seems to downplay our happiness. But some philosophers offer a different perspective. Pessimism, they claim, is probably the best way to deal with life. Arthur Schopenhauer promotes suicide as he thinks the direct purpose of life is suffering. Unfortunately, he himself does not live up to his own standard. Nietzsche, after meditating on the course of history, concludes that history is not necessarily progressive. On the contrary, in most cases, it is regressive. Rousseau sides with them and thinks that we should revert back to our natural instincts and contemplate what we truly desire. He reminds us that our civilisation is actually going backwards and we are tempted by unnecessary desires. Therefore, it is an illusion to think that civilisation is always advancing. We always overestimate ourselves and invest too much hope in our future. Take a look at the reality. What actually happens is that things usually do not turn out as we expect and this world is flourished with tears and evil. This progressivism wears us down. It renders us depressed and frustrated.

The Japanese are the masters of pessimism who can definitely, I think, teach us some important lessons about life. It is easier to start with a culturally significant symbol, namely, cherry flowers. They have this custom of flower viewing, or if my dear reader prefers, hanami (花見) which was originally adopted from China. But needless to say, this custom has been lost in China. Cherry flowers usually blossom from January all the way down to April depending on different regions in Japan. The Japanese would usually take this chance to gather at parks to appreciate the blossoming. But yet Cherry flowers has another cultural meaning. Cherry flowers usually blossom at the end of each student year which many students may move to city for the convenience of work or continue their education overseas. Therefore, it signifies loneliness. It represents the separation of friends and romantic partners. This scenery invites us back to a melancholic sentiment. It is often associated with the idea of 'mono no aware' (物の哀れ), the fleeting nature of things which we often express our sadness at. The unspeakable delight of friendship, the ineffable kindness of our romantic partners, and the unconditional love of our parents, it is usually too late when we realise our need to secure them. However, this scenery is often beautifully depicted in literature, novels, poem, music and films. It seems to me it is not their wish to decry such sentiment. On the contrary, this sentiment needs celebration. However sad it is, it is sadly beautiful. Little wonder samurais performed their Seppukus under cherry trees.

But what do we learn from this pessimism? How do we deal with life with this sort of pessimism? It is an inevitable fact that everything has its own due course which we have no control over. Perhaps we should just let the chips fall where they may. Moreover, if there is no death, there is no reborn. This is utterly sad but it is also a form of sadness we have to live with. But you may ask, 'what about our desire to preserve our culture and history? Is it not important to retain our identity?' Needless to say, culture and history are important for they give depth and stability in thoughts. But there is no contradiction here. In fact, it is precisely this sentiment which gives birth our utmost desire to preserve them. It is because everything has its own due course, however futile our effort may be, we still strive to preserve them. The history of mankind has persuaded us that Homo Sapiens are capable of accomplishing what seems to be the unimaginable and explaining what seems to be the unknowable. Is it not reasonable that our wish to preserve things that are of great importance to human values should be rendered possible? But none of this could have achieved without pessimism. Only through a pessimistic outlook, we can rise above the land of agony and conquer the world with free intelligence.

For those who are still not convinced that pessimism is a better way to deal with life, here is one example. It seems the human minds have the capacity to find pleasure from tears and sorrows. I am referring to the great art of tragedy. Are we not often sensibly touched by the great plays of tragedy? Are we not often moved to tears by a piece of exquisite music which inspires our dark moods? Would you, dear reader, suggest that we are inherently masochistic? But why are we delighted of such sentiments? Monsieur Fontenelle offers an answer:

'This idea, though weak and disguised, suffices to diminish the pain which we suffer from misfortunes of those whom we love, and to reduce that affliction to such a pitch as converts it into a pleasure. We weep for the misfortune of a hero to whom we are attached. In the same instant we comfort ourselves by reflecting, that it is nothing but a fiction: and it is precisely that mixture of sentiments which composes an agreeable sorrow, and tears that delight us.'

This mixture of sentiments seems to resemble that of our sentiment for the fleeting nature of things and our wish to secure them. In Monsieur Fontenelle's case, he explains that the audience may be deeply moved to tears by the tragedy which happens to the characters in the play, but the audience seems to, on the other hand, deny such sentiment by convincing itself that it is a fiction. In like manner, it saddens us that everything has its due course, but it is such sentiment which makes us go on to, in a degree, deny our pessimism by investing hope in the human race. Though this seems a good explanation, David Hume is not satisfied. He goes on further to add,

'The genius required to paint objects in a lively manner, the art employed in collecting all the pathetic circumstances, the judgement displayed in disposing them; the exercise, I say, of these noble talents, together with the force of expression, and beauty of oratorial numbers, diffuse the highest satisfaction on the audience, and excite the most delightful movements.'

Put it this way, only through artistic genius, one can convert even the most melancholic passion into pleasure. The artistic beauty of delivering a great work of poetry will transform our melancholy and sorrows into a soft and tender one. It inspires in us a new sentiment to perceive the true beauty of a tragedy. Hume goes on to quote elder Pliny,

'It is very remarkable, says he, that the last works of celebrated artists, which they left imperfect, are always the most prized, such as the Iris of Aristides, the Tyndarides of Nicomachus, the Medea of Timomachus, and the Venus of Apelles. These are valued even above their finished productions. The broken lineaments of the piece, and the half-formed idea of the painter, are carefully studied; and our very grief for that curious hand, which has been stopped by death, is an additional increase to our pleasure.

These instances are sufficient to afford us some insight into the analogy of nature, and to show us, that the pleasure which poets, orators, and musicians give us, by exciting grief, sorrow, indignation, compassion, is not so extraordinary or paradoxical as it may at first sight appear.'

I have in mind some other examples. Charles Dickens' 'The Mystery of Edwin Drood' was left unfinished, however, it was highly praised up to a point that it was made into a film and musical. The unfinished works of Leonardo da Vinci, such as 'Adoration of the Magi', are still being appreciated down to this day which scholars still carefully study them. As we have already seen, when our despair, melancholy, tears, and sorrows are presented with artistic sensibility, they not only become beautiful, but also please and delight us.

An pessimistic outlook does not make us masochistic. It only reduces our hope in the future into a soft and tender one. It removes us from disillusionment and resignation. It refines and polishes our sentiment of excitement. We all know loneliness gives us uneasiness. But a little loneliness is fruitful. When we are apart from our best friends, the first moment may yield us to despair, yet nothing is more favourable than such short interval of separation. When we reunite again, the companionship that we receive is far more agreeable. Lovers often complain the absence of their partners, yet the love they experience would not been more passionate if they could not endure loneliness. Only through pain, we find the greatest good of human passions.

Pessimism is no nihilism. Nihilism denies the value of everything which renders our actions meaningless. On the other hand, pessimism expects nothing but works at everything. It distils our emotions into the most finest and sophisticated degree. It motivates us to struggle for a better future, yet we will not be confronted with despair and depression when things do not turn out the way we wish them to be. Nietzche in his whole life was met with immense difficulties, but he consoles us with the thought that only we encounter difficulties, we learn from mistakes and perfect ourselves. Pessimists are lightened by life's absurdities. They know how to strike a balance between weight and lightness. They can appreciate the beauty when flowers blossom, while in awe of the beauty when they wither and not being distracted by its sadness.

'The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.' - James Branch Cabell

W

On Cats

Having dwelt upon dogs in the last entry, I come to another common pet, namely, cats. My attitude towards cats is the exact opposite of that towards dogs. I like cats, especially the Burmese cats, the "posh pussies". They are very adorable. In comparison to dogs, cats are much less passionate. They barely want company. They have the virtue of enjoying loneliness and serenity. They suit my temperament in every way.

Cats, unlike dogs, do not greet you when you come home except on rare occasions. Training is not required. Even if you try, they will not listen. They barely comply to your commands. A strong sense of individuality. It is almost as if they have free will. That is why many people have the impression of cats always being unfriendly. But not at all. Sometimes they are friendly. They behave like dogs except that they replace the noble act with "meow" and with much less excitement instead of barking and whining. They talk to you. But most of the time, they are quiet and living their lives in solitude. They are smarter too. I once had the fortune to observe how a cat managed to open a door with their bare claws. They know how to use a human toilet when they are told to do so. And they talk to birds. They do not display anything inferior to the human intellect.

Our attitude towards cats also greatly differs from dogs. They are always associated with divine and mystical qualities in both East and West. Also both good and evil. In Japan, cats are bound up with mystical qualities. There is a story which you often hear around the Fuji mountain that if you happen to live in one of those hotels around the Fuji mountain, the next morning you will wake up with scratches all over your body. And it is rumoured that the "evil cats" do them. Whether this story is true, I have not had the chance to investigate. Another example would be that cats can help increase our wealth. You will often find that these types of cat figures are placed in front of the door of most houses in Japan which you also often see them in Hong Kong. Cats also play a significant role in modern Japanese popular culture. You see in many Japanese cartoons that cats are associated with divine quality such as Dragonball which is always wise enough to give advice to humans and offers beans to help replenish energy. In ancient Egypt, cats were sacred animals. The solar and war goddess Bast was always depicted in a cat form. A great deal of cats were mummified in ancient Egypt. They were treated with a lot of respect. Little wonder the sphinx is a cat.

In the West, people have negative superstitions about cats. The most significant one is black cats which are often associated wickedness. It is considered one will have bad luck if he happens to see one. In films and novels, dark cats are often depicted as a sign of evil.

Having said so much about cats, it is natural to come to the conclusion that the relationship between humans and cats is friendship. But is that really so? They are seen as equal. Both of us have a strong sense of free will. Unlike dogs, cats have liberated themselves from the bondage of master and slaves. Even surpassed that of master and servant. They want to be treated as ends, not as means. They often send you the message that you are not the only owner of the house. But we are!

Cats are usually owned by lonely adults while dogs are usually owned by a family. But why? Why does a cat deserve so much attention for lonely adults? Because they are equal. And the adults are lonely. Owning cats gives you a strong sense that resembles friendship. Like humans, they exercise their free autonomy. You do not take care of them because they do. When you talk to them, they respond. When they dislike what you are saying, they walk away. They do things which resembles what a friend would do to you. Moreover, some of their behaviours are humanlike. Living in a contemporary era where friendship is difficult to attain, cats are the solution. They play with us literally, emotionally, and psychologically. Cats deserve a higher place than dogs. Just a thought.

W

On Dogs

Science has brought us a great deal of benefits. One of them is the mastery over nature. Animals, in primitive times, were a threat to our survival. But science has changed our perspective. Many of them are now locked up in cages in zoos at the expense of human pleasure. Some get processed and eaten. We are now living in a time where Homo Sapiens drive them out to the road of extinction. Nevertheless, there is still hope for the human race. After the Industrial Revolution, the middle class has emerged. They have invented a new kind of leisure which has been popular down to this day. A certain kinds of animals are now put in a category called "pets". Pets are of many sorts. One of the most common ones is dogs.

I met Jackie nine months ago. We are now living in the same house since my cousins insisted on having one. But I never like dogs. I am scared of them though as time moves on I have become less so. They are too passionate and sometimes, up to a point, irritating. They constantly need company and like to draw our attention through a noble act called "barking and whining". They are not the kind of creatures that suit my temperament.

The first thing dog owners do when they get their dogs is train them. A dog is considered naughty when he disobeys its master's command. A dog is supposed to sit when the master tells him to sit. To lie down when the master tells him "down". Some of them are even trained to do some practical daily tasks like picking up newspaper and catching thieves. Who says slavery has ended over 150 years ago?

So what is the nature of the relationship between humans and pets? And particularly, humans and dogs? I was once told by a experienced dog owner that we ought to let our dog watch us have dinner without letting him have his own. We should only give him dinner after we finish our own. In other words, we ought to inflict a physical torture upon our dog. This sends the signal to the dog that we are his master. And he can only have his dinner after we do so.

"Dogs are human's best friends."- so at least I have been told. But what is this? Is that how we are supposed to treat our "friends"? What is the mind-set behind owning a dog? Dogs and humans are not seen as equal. They are inferior to humans. We give him commands and we expect him to obey. When he disobeys, he is blamed. However, we should not be rashly driven to the conclusion that this sort of relationship resembles that of master and slave. In some respect, dogs and humans are really "friends". Dogs constantly need company. We need to play with them. We need to walk them every day. When we come home, they will greet us at the door. This relationship is based upon mutual pleasure. It is "reciprocal altruism".

So does this relationship resemble that of master and servant? Not necessarily. Servants are free. Dogs are not. They are only free only when we free them. Servants often give advice to their masters. Servants are more like friends though they ultimately have to obey his master's command. But they are free to express their opinions with the utmost honesty. They are free to leave when they are not pleased. The situation for dogs, on the contrary, is not quite promising. They have to listen to their master's commands with absolute obedience. They cannot leave even when they are displeased with their masters.

Can we explain the nature of the relationship between humans and dogs? In the West, people love pets. They are compassionate. They treat their pets as part of their families though they still proclaim themselves as masters. In the Western tradition, dog are associated with the virtues of "friendliness" and "loyalty". In the East, on the contrary, especially in China and perhaps only China, dogs are considered wicked. They are inferior to humans. Most of the bad things in Chinese culture are associated with dogs. When we condemn a public official in a disrespectful way, we are calling them "dog officials". When we accuse of someone being sneaky, we call them "dog". Like other countries, paparazzi is condemned in, say, Hong Kong. But the word paparazzi is also associated with dog in Chinese. The only instance of praising dog in Chinese culture that I can think of, as far as my memory serves me, is the character in a famous ancient Chinese literature called "The Journey To The West" who is smart and loyal. He is also an assistant of a "fighting" god up in "heaven" (This is not an accurate translation).

Though the association of dogs in China is much different from that in the West, dogs do not always appear as good as it is commonly supposed. We often encounter a saying in English such as "We treat someone like dogs". Of course, one usually does not assume that that "someone" is referred as being loyal and friendly when we say this. On the contrary, we usually mean we treat him as something inferior to humans.

Perhaps now we can come to the conclusion that our relationship with dogs is a half way between master and servant and master and slave. But why do we own dogs? Is it because of "friendship"? Is "friendship" even an appropriate word? But as we see in my analysis, we are not friends since we are not seen as equal. Thomas Velbens once says that owning dogs reflects our status of class and wealth. But this is no longer true. Dogs are perhaps one of the best consolations for our mental life. In human affairs, it seems free will does not exist. There are so many human affairs that we have no control over. Even Socrates once says, "Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity." Planning is useless since there is always interference. Therefore, having owned a dog restores that sense of control in us. It makes us regain the power to be the masters of what we will to do. Secondly, living in a world which is commercially driven, people are strapped with the bondage of the here and now. Merits not measured on money are deplored. It devalues the unspeakable delight of friendship. It undermines our emotional sensibility. People no longer have patience with all your deep talks. Communication between souls is no longer important. As technology invades every single part of our life, it has become even more difficult. When we own a dog, we have a silent companion except a few barking. He will be delighted to listen to us. We can speak from our heart with the utmost honesty and the utmost delicacy of human sentiments. And he shall not interfere us and agree with us on the whole. In this confusing era, dogs have become our true soul mates.

But then again, if dogs become our friends, we should also take pity on the life that we lead.

W

Is Ignorance A Bliss?

When we were children, we often dreamed to be adults. They seemed to us are free in all ways in which we were not. No one would interfere with what they do. They are able to freely enjoy all the spectacles of joy that life has to offer. Now, our wish seems to be fulfilled. We are officially adults right now. We are confronted with the crudest reality. Our life is filled with anxieties and worries. Our desire for friendship always comes quickly, but friendship is rarely found anymore. We, for the first time in our life, come to realise the painful fact that all men are wicked. The world is full of hatred and grievances. All of a sudden, we wish we could live as children again, free of worries and anxieties. We wish we could lead a life in ignorance. We often ponder upon the wisdom whether ignorance is a bliss. And we always seem to arrive the same conclusion that this is really the case. Socrates once says that the only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance. Is he wrong?

Let us see what happens when people are aware of the cruel facts of reality. As an ordinary white collar, you may work hard but you will not often be rewarded with the work you have done because hard work is mandatory. What you do is never enough for your boss. When your work is too outstanding, jealousy is often the sentiment you get from your colleagues. When you have done one thing wrong, regardless of what you have achieved for your company, you may worry at length whether your boss still thinks well of you; We are often told romantic love is the greatest delight we encounter in our life. However, having experienced it, we often wonder whether we can ever understand the inextricable relationship between men and women. In marriage, either party is anxious of whether the other party will commit adultery; Money is often the major driving force for men nowadays. They are dominated by it. Most of the greatest pleasures in your life depend upon how rich you are. But it also brings us as much miseries as happiness. If you start making money yourself and living on your own, you may know how hard it is to afford a lifestyle that you had as a teenager. Nevertheless, we still enjoy making money. Because we are aware of the fact that money does not necessarily bring us happiness, but it does buy unhappiness off.

As we look around nowadays, our Utopia, I often wonder, may perhaps have come. Ignorance is praiseworthy. Being knowledgeable is condemned. Having lived in an age of our own, we should not be surprised that one does not know the geographical locations of major cities in the world. It is exceptionally normal that people are no longer concerned how to lead a good life. They only need to know how much money and at what time they should invest in stock market. It does not matter whether philosophy, art, and literature can promote civilisation. In modern age, business administration is supreme. It promises us a good career in the future. We should take the values that our society holds as granted. It is needless to criticise and evaluate them since uncertainty renders us insecure. It no longer matters whether what we believe in is truth. Truth is not important. It is "truth" as long as it is comforting. Homo Sapiens cannot be more confident.

The virtue of ignorance becomes prevalent. Unfortunately, people do not seem a whole lot happier. On the contrary, the exact opposite happens. Ignorance has caused more miseries than ever. Why is that so? The answer probably lies in what sort of ignorance we delve into. It seems to me the Homo Sapiens have led themselves in the completely wrong direction of ignorance. And that kind of ignorance is what we may call the "pig ignorance". Ignorance of this kind is the blindness of the deluded. Their stupidity may sustain some sort of happiness. But this sort of happiness is shallow and unstable. If we lead our life with "pig ignorance", we are not only "ignorant". We are mistaken in false beliefs as truths which breeds stupidity. Therefore, taboos, bias, and prejudices will come in many ways unnoticed. On the other hand, the other sort of ignorance is wise ignorance. It is the ignorance of Socrates. It is also the ignorance only a minority of the world population profess to have. They use scepticism as a tool to analyse matters of the world. Their ignorance lies not in what opinions are held, but how they are held. They do not hold most of things happened in the world as absolutely certain. And they always arrive conclusions which are nearer to the truth. In the city of Athens, Socrates often wander around the streets next to the gymnasium questioning people about the values that they hold at the time. This is not because he is superior to them that he can teach them the "right" values. He never claims to know the truths. In fact, he claims to know nothing except the fact that he knows nothing. He wishes others to light his way through ignorance. However, it turns out he is wisest person in the city. We are all ignorant but we should become wise of the fact. Only after we desire to know more, we will be convinced that we are truly ignorant.

"Pig ignorance" is detrimental to human progress. It condemns human civilisation. It prevents us from discovering the wonders of the universe. With pig ignorance, philosophy, art, literature, and science would not be possible. Our world would not be very different from the one in Stone Age. "Wise ignorance", on the contrary, cherishes the human intellect. It urges us to conquer the world with free intelligence. It drives science if it is a quest of unknown. Science explores the world that was previously unknown to us. It expands our limits of understanding up to a degree than we can ever imagine. It possesses the essence of "wise ignorance". It teaches us to realise the evils of certainty and learn to entertain doubts. Doubt is humble and certainty is arrogance. Only through "wise ignorance", human progress is possible.

In the twenty-first century, where ignorance is the hallmark of social eminence, I must confess that I am unable to live up to the standard upheld by the majority. For me, this is very unfortunate. This glorious century marks the supreme victory of "pig ignorance". I have endeavoured to change myself but what I am met is endless frustrations. Is it the outcome of the survival of fittest? I do not know. This regret, I fear, will still taunt me after death.

W

A Change of My Outlook

The direct purpose of life is suffering- so at least I have been told by Arthur Schopenhauer. I, for a time, thought that this attitude of life was masochistic which would lead to unhappiness. I once had a discussion with my best friends about my general outlook. One told me I was optimistic in essence and the other pessimistic. For many years of my life, I thought I had acquired an optimistic outlook which was contrary to Schopenhauer's maxim. However, for the last two years, I have come to see myself in a different perspective.

I have devoted myself into studying Japanese culture for the last two years which has led to discover my new self which I was denying throughout my life. I have developed a keen interest in Japanese film and music. Moreover, I have come across the fortune to investigate some of the Japanese philosophy. Needless to say, my interest in Japanese culture came much earlier in my life, but my passion for it has been intensified by leaps and bounds since two years ago. And I have an affinity towards their pessimistic elements in their culture ever since. Japanese are a nation of people who value pessimism over optimism. They value failure over victory but are yet reluctant to accept failure. They think that an optimistic outlook can only be acquired through pessimism. Take, for instance, the appreciation of cherry flowers. It is true that they are definitely moved by the beauty when the cherry flowers blossom. But they also admire the beauty when cherry flowers wither. They do not only admire the beauty of a full moon, but admire the beauty more of a moon partially covered by clouds. Of course, it is true, they have longed to preserve the samurai spirit. But it is thought that the prevailing of the samurai spirit is not as intriguing and romantic as the fallen of samurai spirit. This line of thought has come to dominate Japanese aesthetics which is unduly pessimistic. However pessimistic it is, it is through such pessimism we attain the value of optimism for perfection can only be secured through imperfection. Only through death, we start to realise the value of our existence. Only through unendurable pain and our darkest despair, we come to know what happiness is. And only through the loneliest loneliness, we honour the value of friendship, of parental love, and of romantic love.

In today's commercially driven societies, merits not measured in money are not valued. Our life becomes dull and less romantic because our sentiments are rendered vulgar by the virtue of hard work. In Japanese thoughts, we find our sentiments in their fullest delicacy and expression which is something that the Western philosophy somehow lacks. And I have come to my pessimistic character because of this. This line of though is undoubtedly influenced by Taoism. Unfortunately or fortunately, Japan has retained the best of Chinese culture and China the worst of it. And the Japanese has executed this art of living to perfection. For the first time in my life, I find the great merits of pessimism for happiness comes only through sadness. This coming year will be one of the grievous moments of my life, but I am prepared to believe there will be more ahead of my life. Perhaps this is the beauty of tragedy. Life goes on.

W

A Note For My Friends

This summer is coming to an end. My dear reader might wonder why this summer is worth an entry on this blog as there will be another summers in the ongoing years. However, this summer is different and of immense importance. The upcoming year will be the last year of my student life. That is to say, this is my last summer holidays. "Schooling is the happiest moment of one's life."- so at least I have been told. Therefore, this summer also marks the end of the happiest moment of my life.

Throughout all these years, I must myself admit I have not learnt a great deal from my teachers and the textbooks in school. But I have met great friends that have enriched my life. Many of my old time friends are regrettably now gone. Fortunately, I have met a great deal in my secondary school which I hope will be my lifelong friends. If they are not lifelong, they are still memorable for they enchanted the happiest moment of my life. That is what makes schooling important. It is important not because it instills countless useless knowledge into my mind, but because I have met some of the best companions in my life.

Our roads to future still remain uncertain. We do not know where we will be going. As time passes by, we may choose to separate or we may choose to treasure this friendship. But no one can say certainly where we will end up to be. After we step into the filthy world of business, we may choose to separate because of work or simply because you meet new people. We are stepping into a completely different world. Thank you, my friends, for being part of my life and for giving me my last wonderful summer. Our separation is undoubtedly sad but yet sadly beautiful. We should not only admire the beauty of the union of great friends but we should also admire the beauty of the separation of them though it moves us to tears. Because this moment is splendid. Our love of friendship is deeply connected over the vast ocean of anguish. It is what makes our friendship honourable. If we are not to experience this sort of loneliness, we would not know what friendship is all about.

My friends have done much good to me, but I am afraid I have no chance to return the favour. For this, I apologise.

For those who are tagged, you may not be my best friend, but you are tagged simply for being part of my wonderful summer. For all my best friends (who need not to mention), this is for you.

W

Today is the final day of my year 2.
This is one of the most fruitful years I have ever come across. I have witnessed the death of an acquainted one, worked in a prestigious company, worked hard and gained agreeable result, attempted competitions and got recognized, met reliable friends and read a lot of books that I please.
All of them mean so much to me. But among all, there are a few I wish to add some words so I will never forget these events.
My grandpa passed away this year. I have never been a close grandson to him. But still, I can still recall the last time I saw him.
It was a hot Saturday. Cars were drifting outside the hospital, not carrying patients, but just drifting. I was told that my grandpa had about only 2 months left that he wanted to see me so much. We entered the hospital. It was quiet and still that I could even hear the squeaky sounds caused by some old beds. The pace of time was quite different from outside. The slowness was heavy. Behind the door, it was a brightly lit room, and there lied my grandpa. He raised his eyebrows when he saw me.
To him, I was a different person. I grew and changed so much that he could barely recognize me. We both forgot when the last time we met was. In my memory, my grandpa served in the military and he was a typical military man. He had a loud voice and a passionate persona. He liked drinking, gambling and making jokes. To him, I was a little quiet boy who just dares to follow my mom and dad and utter no voice. But what we saw were different. He was an exhausted, worn-out patient lying on bed, and I looked much more mature.
My grandpa kept looking at me and tried even not to blink. He knew this may well be the last time he could see me. He asked me to walk closer and held my hand very tightly as if it was a rope hanging over a cliff. His eyes were red and I can see tears running inside. He drew a breath and told me he was so happy to see me and found that I grew more mature. Maybe it is one of human’s gifts that we can understand what others feel. I felt, underneath his words, there were regrets and sadness; he was so sad that he may not be able to see me anymore.
His hands were very dry, probably due to the effects of his cancer medicine. However, the wrinkles on his face didn’t erase his benevolence from me. I wanted to tell him although I was not a close grandson to him; I have always found him friendly and respectable. Owing to the tension in the air, I did not articulate my mind. I, instead, looked at him in his eyes and tried to tell him. 2 months later, he passed away. My uncle told me that, during the very last syllable of his life was played, he was unable to breath and certified death after 2 hours of operation.
Losing an important relative’s feeling is the same as the emptiness that looms after a blissful night. The difference is, your relative is gone forever.
My job in the bank is a tough one, but it made me a better man. There were elites from top universities around the world and there were very rich people. Most of them worked to their fullest capacity to keep the wheels of the bank turning. They know themselves are of zero value to the bank. Their boss can fire them and find a better replacement in one day. The only reason that drives them to work is life itself. Only through suffering can they find their own existence and taste the sweets of joy. There is no such thing as “I can no longer stand” in there. Everyone is expected to be doing things best. After the fall of Lehman, people came and left. The worries and frustrations on their faces can be felt easily. Maybe that is because to some of them this is the biggest failure and crash in their life so far.
Today’s exam is a smooth one. After I left the centre, I felt empty. It is as if going up the stairways from your room in the darkness and to think that there is one more step of what it really hasn’t. Your foot is going for the air and there is a moment of surprise. The moment is prolonged. This year is a joyful one. But it ended, despite everything, it ended. The next year is going to be a tough one. Since I will have to start hunting jobs, work even harder and probably face more pressure. Still, as my best friend told me, the main purpose of life is to suffer. There is no reason that I should be spared. Life goes on.

Mirror

My best friend Bill told me that he felt himself a stranger when he looked in the mirror the other day. Have any of you, dear reader, had this strange feeling? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you proud of your own beauty or do you feel self-pity of your appearance? Is fear aroused in you when you look in the mirror as you age? Have you ever endeavoured to see through your own eyes so you can directly interact with your soul? Mirror, as an object which evokes our self-awareness, inspires and delights us. It provokes our enquiry of the limit of self-understanding.

Have you ever tried to glanced beyond the stars to imagine what it is like? Have you ever taken your time out to appreciate the scenery of the sky that was lit up by the splendour of the moon and twinkling little stars? Are you in awe of the splendid beauty of it? I hope you are. A comet travels across the sky. Is it beyond our ability capture it or our ability to slow down is already conquered by the virtue of readiness? A mirror produces the same effect within us. Only when we look into a mirror, we realise that time always quietly slips away. It renders us the habit of contemplation of life. After all these years, in retrospect, what do you actually learn? Do you learn to avoid mistakes and mend your characters through experience or do you just keep repeating the same mistakes and confirming your own prejudices? Are you now able to penetrate through your soul to understand who you really are? Unfortunately, humans are prejudiced. We are naturally egocentric. We always overestimate ourselves because we cannot be completely unbiased of ourselves. That is why we come to depend upon our friends, our family, and romantic partners. However, this is not perfect. They are biased too. They cannot sympathise the melancholy within you. They cannot dig up your loneliest loneliness which is concentrated upon your individual soul day and night. There is always your unconscious self concealed from the world which only at times talks to you.

Sometimes I ponder upon the thought whether keeping a psychological distance from others is more desirable. Certain aspects of my personality has to be kept mysterious forever so as to make myself an interesting person. If this is true, how can we understand ourselves? Should we just let our arrogance preside over our reason or is it a paradox that is destined not to be solved? Should reality always be cruel to taunt us with our innate inability to fathom our soul?

Nevertheless, I have learnt one thing. Suffering makes my life fruitful. It makes me conscious of my own self. Through the experience of the deepest pessimistic moods, I find self-realisation. I should not only enjoy what friendship, parental affection, romantic love, and compassion has to offer in a good life, but I should also appreciate the darkest despair, the spectacle of melancholy, the wickedness of contempt, and the fear of frustration. Only through these things, we are to enjoy the greatest things that life has to offer. We must not long for perfection. We need to understand that perfection can only be secured through imperfection. We should not appreciate the beauty of a full moon, but we should be able to perceive the beauty of a moon partially covered with clouds. We should not be in awe of the beauty of flower blossom, but we should be deeply moved to tears by the beauty when flowers wither. We do not admire the beauty of green leaves in spring, but we should appreciate the beauty of loneliness of the leaves falling in autumn. Because this is what life is all about. A perfect life breeds boredom. A life with defects makes us interesting so we can strive towards our goals and dreams. This view is perhaps unduly pessimistic but it takes us a step further to understanding ourselves. We are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Defects in our characters render us the longing of perfection. Therefore, let us rejoice the beauty of loneliness and grievance. However sad it is, if we look closer, we will find that it is not only sad, but it is sadly beautiful. Our purpose of life is not to despise sadness, but on the contrary, we make it a work of art.

W

Sudden reflection on the unbearable lightness of being

Sudden reflection on the unbearable lightness of being
Chasing the stars, dodging the moon, I have been working to my fullest faculty to ensure my valuable ones, and children, if there will be any, can lead a better life, a life that they can be truly alive. But my true self has long escaped me.
Still, sometimes I do feel the deep torment of my soul struggling desperately to escape its mortal coil. I, like Franz in the epic book, is an extremist, if not an idealist. The only sense of release can only be captured through the asymmetrical moment of death. Every progress I have been making seem only contributes to the annihilation. This present complaint means nothing but the grievance over the irreconcilable nature of life; I have long let circumstances dictate and learnt used to it. But as I am only to live once this life, assuming there is no demon magic, I do feel haunting of weightless life creeping up. As in the end, every value ceases to exist then every effort at the moment is therefore weightless as well.
"How can life ever be a good teacher if there is only one of them to be lived? How can one perform life when the dress rehearsal for life is life?"
The long pause from writing has rendered my ability to write obsolete.

How Should We Live?

As long as we get intellectually lazy, we have to latch onto a stronger person to survive. Some appeal to authority of religions, some philosophy, and some parents. Most of us need a guidebook to look for instructions of how we should act. Free will is no use in the Age of Faith. Out of all kinds of authorities, I like to appeal to the majority for most kinds of authorities always have to submit to the majority. What is good for the majority must also be good for us. If one should like to rebel against the tyranny of majority, being a social outcast or being labelled as eccentric is an unquestionable consequence.

What is so good about the majority? They have helped decide matters for us even since we were children. Ever since we were born, they have decided what religion and moral values could make us a desirable being. In the days of our childhood, we were brought up to condemn sex because it is filthy. The act of masturbation is utterly wicked. A man full of sexual thoughts should be sinned with a morbid sense of guilt. Most importantly, it violates one of the Ten Commandments.

And for surely, smoking is also a bad habit because it is harmful to your health. One must be delusional to think that having a cigarette in your hand can make you look stylish and attract the opposite sex. It would also be foolish to think that nicotine can help you relieve stress but only you will eventually realise that such chemical dictates your free will.

In the matters of romantic love, you can also witness that the love offered by the majority is immense. They tell us, with profound knowledge and wisdom, what we must do to maintain a happy relationship. The most popular of all is that we should be faithful to one and only one romantic partner. One is thought abhorrent if he is even physiologically incapable of fidelity. When it comes to marriage, we must offer the most precious diamond rings to show how much we love our romantic partners.

Filial piety is also an issue. A bad child you are if you disrespect your parents. You should bear in mind that what they tell you must always be the absolute truth. Your disagreement with them is the first sign of your immaturity. They determine what you should study in school to ensure that you have a promising career. They dictate your interests as well. Parent must force their children to learn a certain type of musical instrument because it can enhance their aesthetic sensibility. They also set up timetable for their children to make sure that they will read at a certain time of the day because illiteracy is bad. If the children happen to dislike reading, physical punishment is unavoidable. My dear reader might ask, "why do they have the right to determine what their children should like?" No one, I should reply, has more right than them because they have way more life experience than their children regardless of what they derive from experience is the confirmation of their own prejudices. The world does not need new blood. New blood deplored, the elders self-righteous.

Collective taste in arts is desirable. In the spectacle of fashion, we ought to always follow the trend. If we happen to wear something contrary to the popular trend, people will laugh at us with a despicable eye. Women should purchase expensive handbags so they will not lose face in the presence of her colleagues and friends. If a man happens to appreciate or to be touched by the beauty of a ballet dance, he must be thought feminine and weak. More importantly, this is the implication of being homosexual. If he is moved to tears by the beauty of a painting, he must be pretentious. When he freely expresses his high opinion of the painting, he should be accused of being pedantic. If we do not follow the opinion of food critics of how and what we should eat, we are more likely to have bad taste.

Speaking of collectivity, the aspect of emotions must not be left out. We should, by observing the people around us, praise vulgarity and despise delicacy. Following what I have mentioned in the last paragraph, one can deduce the conclusion easily that when a man is touched by a film or a piece of exquisite music, he is weak and feminine. But a man should uphold the characteristics which he has been instilled into his mind since childhood: he must appear strong and must be prone to emotionless. One is thought weird when he expresses his love for his lover by means of poetry or a well-written love letter. The prevalence of technology urges us to forgo traditions and express these feelings through texting messages or instant messengers. And certainly, sex is now the ultimate substitution for love. We no longer need to distinguish sex from love for they are essentially the same thing. Men do not have to learn how to please a lady with humour and talents, but only how good they perform in bed. The gospel of modernity teaches us that what matters is the resulting product, not the style displayed during its production. Men no longer have to date women. They meet each other for sex. If they cannot attain what they wish for, the relationship is no longer worthwhile to pursue. We no longer show sympathy for the poor and sick because this is the outcome of Social Darwinism, the survival of the fittest. Being poor and sick is the sign of weakness and must therefore be eliminated.

The list can go on endlessly and I do not wish to go into it with details. Having come to the end of this entry, can you, dear reader, lay your hands on your heart to acknowledge that the majority are still bad? They are like our mother nature, with immense love and care, telling us how to behave in a society to avoid conflicts and human folly. If I were not to study the gospel of modernity, I would have committed the exact opposite of the good that I thought they were. And I know that I should be deeply thankful. If you wish to be loved by your neighbours and regarded as a good citizen, here is my advice: avoid expressing your own opinions instead of those of your boss and your parents, that is to say, you should be a slave; also do not endeavour to realise the ends which you yourself think good; develop a decent friendship with millionaires and influential men; find a lady who is only sexy enough only for you to have sex with, and, keep in mind, the term of "making love" does not apply here, and feel free to abandon her after your sexual pleasure is satisfied. Do all these, and the people around shall have a high opinion of you. In this case, you will become a role model.

This is sound advice and for the first time (Pity me), I have seen the good of public opinion. But, for my part, I should like to attempt suicide.

W

Is Reason "Cold"?

People are of many kinds. Some are rational and some emotional. Some are intelligent and some stupid. Some are ordinary and some fill lives and change minds. Unfortunately, a great many of them belong to the realm of stupidity and ignorance. They prefer the company of power and vanity. Their aims of life become so practical that they can only find themselves in endless fulfilment of worldly possessions. As time goes on, they are likely to detach themselves from the ability to reason because they have no time for the noble activity of thinking. Gone are the age of Renaissance and the age of Enlightenment. A great many people have recently been in the habit of condemning reason as "cold". Rational men are accused of being cold-blooded and emotionally insensible. They say rational men over-estimate the part of reason which is capable of playing and downplay the importance of emotions. The Romantic movement, though perhaps in a less noble form, has made a spectacular comeback. The sentiment of la sensibilite dictates the modern era. This error, I think, comes from the fact that they are in complete muddle of what the word "reason" actually means.

Reason has a perfectly clear and precise meaning. It allows you to see the choice of right means of an end that you wish to achieve. It does not dictate the ends. Take, for instance, the attempt to suicide. The ability to reason allows you to see the pros and cons of suicide and perhaps what sort of methods, from the most vulgar of hanging to the noblest Seppuku, that you wish to employ. However, it does not decide what end you wish to pursue. This is the part where passion comes into play. In order to attempt suicide successfully, passion is a decisive factor. One must have the passion which springs from the indignation and the ugliness of the world to put your wish into action. This is analogy which is similar to that of science and philosophy. A great deal of knowledge that you obtain from science does not decide what end you want to achieve. You need to rely on philosophy to offer you value judgement to decide how to put your knowledge into good use. Reason does not despise emotions, but acknowledges them as essential ingredients to make our lives better.

Reason also helps us develop emotional sensibility. By emotional sensibility, I do not mean we should liberate our emotions without self-control. I do not think it a good thing to be in the state of extremely insane excitement like the romantic revolutionaries which they would like to have the heads of aristocrats and members of royal family cut off. This usually leads to an undesirable consequence which is directly opposite to what they intend. But I do mean that by the ability to reason, we should be able to have greater emotional depth which equips us with the capacity to feel more deeply about our dark moods and optimistic moods than any other man who has attached little importance to reason and exercise them appropriately. But how does reason do this? Ethics offers one of the best examples. Our desires, like our senses, are primarily self-centred. Our egocentric character of desires always interferes with our ethics. Most of our moral values, if not all, appeal to intuitions rather than reason. Take, for instance, the objection to homicide. The objection to homicide was inspired by superstition. It was originally based upon the ritual pollution caused by the blood of the victims, but the fact is that such intuition was triggered by the contagion system in our brain favoured by natural selection. Let me take another example. Nudity in public is condemned. It is condemned not because a nude body offends our aesthetic sensibility to the eye, but because it is considered a sin according to the Christian tradition (at least to the West) as Adam and Eve are unable to resist the seduction of fruit offered by a snake. Of course, the fruit is a symbol of sex. As soon as they discover the pleasure of sex, they are ashamed of their nakedness of their bodies because sex is thought wicked. Many things are thought immoral because they offend our ideological familiarity and cause a rupture to our emotional stability. It is very curious in our human nature that we love regularities and contempt change. This curious pattern of thought also became the foundation of Platonic philosophy as a essential quality of his Utopia. Emotions have determined many of our moral values. Reason seems not to play any part in ethics. That is also precisely the reason why we need reason. Extreme emotions, if allow in one direction, will become all-pervasive. Therefore, we must need reason to constraint our emotions and practice them appropriately.

Moreover, reason has a constructive aspect to emotions. It helps develop impersonal feelings. I am speaking of impersonal feelings as feelings not only concern my own, but the feelings that extend to the wider public such as compassion and benevolence. We should not admire a man who only care only about his own dissatisfaction of hunger. On the contrary, we should admire a man who from his own need of food is led to the general sympathy of the hunger. We should not admire a man who is only kind and generous to his friends, lovers, and family. On the contrary, we should admire a man who from his need of friendly feelings from strangers is led to the general love to the mankind. I am not implying reason generates these feelings, but it helps construct them by minimising emotions that are an obstacle to well-being such as hatred, fear, and envy. However, that is not to say that reason kills all the deeper emotions which it does not condemn. In parental affection, in romantic love, in friendship, in benevolence, in the devotion to science and art, there is nothing that reason should wish to diminish. A rational man will be glad that he feels them and he will do nothing to lessen these emotions because they are parts of the good life. A man who can feel these emotions can contemplate the world more freely because his emotions are more delicate and sophisticated. In the spectacle of romantic love, he will feel the intensity of love offered by his romantic partner and treasure it because he is aware he does nothing to deserve such love, however hard that love is to be fathomed, but simply a consequence of romantic fatalism. In his heart, he shall be deeply thankful of the spectacle of joy that life has to offer. In the aspect of art, he is more able to be moved by the beauty and subtlety of a painting to tears not because the artist paints what he sees, but because the artist paints what he actually feels. When he listens to Beethoven music, he will consider it an aesthetic delight to the ear, and he will be touched by the intellectual and emotional depth that a piece of exquisite music wishes to deliver.

Reason is by no means cold. It does not condemn emotions that are parts of the good life. It only safeguards against emotions that prevent us from realising the ends of life we wish to pursue. It is an essential quality for integral harmony. In the spectacle of joy, you can feel what love can offer. And in the midst of grievance, you can feel disgust, contempt, despair, loneliness, and melancholy. It is these things that enable you to contemplate the world from a wider horizon and generate an universalising feeling upon the human race. It is also these things from which progress, artistic inspirations, and romance spring. Until our feelings become more refined, the world will be rendered dull and vulgar.

"I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly." - Michel de Montaigne

W